I loved what Jarvis Hayes contributed to the Nets last season, basketball-wise. I also loved what he contributed to my basketball conversations, nickname-wise. A commonly accepted nickname for him is Purple Hayes. It is fairly clever, and a perfectly acceptable nickname. However, it was a bit too obvious, and, during last season, I went through two other nicknames.
One nickname I liked should definitely appeal to the geeks on the internet: Mirror Universe Vince Carter. Basically, he looks like Vince Carter if he grew a goatee. And you know what growing a goatee means? You are EVIL!
Ultimately, my friends and I settled on the nickname:
Because, seriously, how many people do you know named "Jarvis" who aren't butlers?