Monday, February 22, 2010

Suffering - It's Everywhere To Me

This season of Nets basketball will probably go down in history as one of humanity's most heinous crimes. As I near the end of my first year of Nets blogging, I've run out of ways to say the word "awful". So, for the rest of this rant, I'll be checking in my thesaurus. See if you can catch me! (Yes, I know this game is abominable, but bear with me. This is a ghastly season.)

As harrowing as it is watching the games, the YES Network has been implementing a new torture strategy on Nets fans. They have been rerunning the same 10 or so commercials over and over again. This would not be so abhorrent if I was watching a 30 minute sitcom, but a two and a half hour games for seven months? It becomes scaring to the psyche.

The most deplorable spot comes from my bank, Chase, and an old Michelle Branch song.

Perhaps you have seen it? I swear, this commercial airs multiple times per timeout! By the second quarter, I am aware of a couple facts:

1. Kiki cannot coach.
2. Chase is everywhere to me.
3. Yi Jianlian doesn't lift his arms to rebound.
4. When I close my eyes, it is Chase's logo I see.
5. Stay tuned for an all-new Michael Kay show!

This 30-second section of the song has been so drilled into my head. I'm convinced that the real song is just 30-seconds long. I get it. There's a lot of Chase banks. Walking around Manhattan has made me keenly aware of this fact. Using Chase's branch locator, I've found 22 Chase's within one mile of my apartment. And that isn't including the ATMs available at all the Duane Reade's!

Here is my list of songs I would use in future Chase commercials, involving the money and the "everywhere" theme. If I've missed any, please list them in the comments:

"Moneytalks" - AC/DC
"Takin' Care of Business" - Bachmann Turner-Overdrive (as long as they get to the "working overtime" part fast)
"Here, There, and Everywhere" - The Beatles
"You Never Give Me Your Money" - The Beatles
"Call Me" - Blondie
"Peace of Mind" - Boston
"Money For Nothing" - Dire Straights
"Take Me Home Tonight" - Eddie Money
"Reach Out (I'll Be There)" - The Four Tops
"Will You Be There?" - Michael Jackson
"Opportunities" - Pet Shop Boys
"Every Breath You Take" - The Police
"Right Here Waiting" - Richard Marx (this gets my vote!)

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