Saturday, February 13, 2010

Random Tangents - New Name For Nets

As the Nets prepare to move to Brooklyn sometime in the near or far distant future, there has been some speculation that they might change their nickname. While many have assumed that they will just be called the "Brooklyn Nets", I see this as the perfect opportunity for the team to exorcise itself from the past demons associated with that name.

First of all, the name "Nets" has to be one of the worst in sports. They are named after a piece of equipment used to play the game! It is like naming a football team "The Pylons". I prefer team names that are intimidating, like the Bulls or the Warriors. Or, failing that, name the team after a geographical feature of the region, such as the Pistons, named after Detroit's auto industry. I do enjoy those types of names even if the team moves - such as what happened with the Lakers, Grizzlies, and Jazz. So, let's immediately scrap the Nets.

The Nets used to be called the Americans in their early days, but given the proliferation of foreign players (and in the Nets' case, their owner), this seems stupid. In a podcast, Bill Simmons suggested going back to the Dodgers, but that will inevitably cause confusion when talking. It is tough enough when people think you are a Mets fan, but now you have to differentiate between another team that has the EXACT same name as your team.

I have three thoughts on the matter of the team name, all going in different directions. First, perhaps the Nets should name try to appeal to the major opponents of the Brooklyn move - hipsters. Freddy's Bar in Brooklyn is spear-heading a movement to keep my team out of town and without a new home. So, I suggest they give the Nets a new, hipper, ironic name. How about: Baseball Team. The Brooklyn Baseball Team. To keep the ironic theme going, this could be the logo:

My next idea is dedicated to our savior Mikhail Prokhorov. How about: The Red Scare? First of all, Proky would definitely approve this. Also, the team can embrace the theme, inviting numerous Russian celebrities to sit courtside. I love it because it would easily be the most intimidating team name in American sports. Seriously, are you more afraid of Knickerbockers or the FUCKIN' RED SCARE? Plus, all those stinking hipsters are liberal commies anyway, so I'm sure they'd embrace the proletariat teachings of their new team. My biggest concern would be the Barclay's endorsement deals.

The final suggestion is my personal favorite. I read this on a message board a while ago, and would love to know who came up with the idea. It is: The Brooklyn Knights. First, it is a delicious play on the term for a Brooklyn-born person, a Brooklynite. Also, it is an intimidating name that is easily associated with identifiable images for logos and mascots. My biggest concern is that the name is "regal", which has not led to much success in professional sports - see the L.A. Kings, Sacramento Kings, Kansas City Royals, etc.

So, those are just my humble suggestions. Let me know yours in the comments!


  1. Kings would be a much better name for a Brooklyn team than it is for anything from California - see Kings County? also then we could start calling the Mets the New York Queens

  2. fyi: hipsters are not the major opponents to the Atlantic Yards project, which is much more than a basketball arena.

  3. i've yet to see anyone with an ironic haircut at freddy's...

  4. So, I guess the sentiment is that "Baseball Team" is a bad name for a basketball team. Got it! Maybe the Brooklyn Dirty Projectors?

  5. The Brooklyn Internationals!? He wants to go Global let him go global.