Nets versus Heat

"Looks like you saved the best for first." - Andy Bernard



So I'll kick this shit off with a BIG WIN against the Miami Heat. It was the first game I had been to since a mildly forgettable win against the Bulls in late February. With the team struggling since then, I didn't have much expectations - I just needed to do something to make my Friday night a little more interesting. I went with my friend Danny, whose main objective was to show off his sweet new Brook Lopez jersey.



I gotta say, it is a very nice jersey. What impressed me most was two things:

• Danny is Chinese, and broke the mold by not going for the Yi Jianlian jersey. Although, this isn't too surprising since Danny has a strict policy against wearing the jerseys of players who suck.


• It is a very unique jersey for a Nets fan to wear at this point. You see many fans garbed in Carter and Harris jerseys at the game, but very few Lopez ones. And very few red road jerseys. In fact, we only saw one other person adorned in a red Lopez jersey at the game. However, it was being worn by a 12-year-old girl. Sad trombone.

We scored free tickets via the Nets new marketing program entitled "PLEASE SHOW UP! PLEASE!!!" Getting to Izod Center from New York City is such a pain in the fucking ass. Manhattan and the Meadowlands are FOUR miles apart, yet the Nets and NJ Transit have somehow devised a system that takes about 45 minutes to an hour to get you from point A to point B. I'll go into this in greater detail in a post I'll probably call "Nets to Fans: Public Transportation is for Fucktards."

Back to the game, what made this a special night for my comrade and I was access to the MGM GRAND AT FOXWOODS ALL ACCESS LOUNGE CLUB THING!



Yes, that's Nets Basketball presented by VONAGE. At the IZOD Center. We're at the All Access Club presented by MGM GRAND. And the thrill of athletic competition is brought to you by YORK PEPPERMINT PATTIES, TASTE THE THRILL!

I've been to this All Access club two or three times before, and I'm telling you - it's the only way to fly. When we first showed up around 7 (half hour before game-time), it was pretty crowded, and there was a long line to get drinks. It's like they were giving away free beer or someth--



...heart. Love. Free beer!

After getting our drinks, we hit up the free food buffet as well. Nothing too special here - an assortment of pasta, pretzels, hot dogs, and other junk food you'd get at a sporting event. But soon it became clear how some people took advantage of this free beer policy. For example, when Danny alerts me he will be by the "far" TV (a television screen that is on the other side of the room), some random person misheard him and thought Danny had said "FART" TV. He was highly amused by this, and I was greatly amused by his amusal! Furthermore, the lovely ladies serving food were singing Rod Stewart's greatest hits. Truly, the New Jersey Nets organization, known for constantly giving fans the shaft for the better part of 30 years, have created a miniature version of, what I can safely say without hyperbole of any sort, FUCKIN HEAVEN!

However, there is a dark, mysterious presence in the universe...



The Man In The Video Room

Yes. He sees you. You. Now. At all times.

Who knows what he is thinking? What is he scheming? Is it just me, or does one man in a room watching multiple televisions just lead you to think that he is evil? Next time I go, I must make it my mission to find out more. I'm not sure how I'll do it...perhaps I'll rig up some repeating video ala Speed.

The Game: Not much I can really say on this front. The Nets won (woo!), but the game was free of any major things to complain about on either end. It was your textbook basketball game - even the score, 96-88, was very standard. Plus, I was chugging beer after beer, so my mind frequently meandered to other thoughts. A couple notes:

• Jermaine O'Neal and Jamal Magloire. The Slow and the Uninterested. Like Vin Diesel and Paul Walker, you'd be able to get an audience for them seven years ago. Now? Ugh.


• The best play of the game was a Dwyane Wade 3/4 court heave after a foul call. It really got the crowd going. The play was on a dead ball and didn't count, which pretty much tells you how forgettable the game was. It is worth a second look:
  


• The Nets lost the lead and made things dicey towards the end of the third quarter and early fourth before pulling it out. And I saw this coming. Not because I'm super smart about basketball, but because I had two major karma no-nos. First, someone came to claim the seats we were sitting in (which we were only sitting in because someone was sitting in our seats), thus causing us to switch seats. Bad idea. Not shortly after that, I broke the seal. I should have just gone for the trifecta and sprayed chicken blood over the court. I swear to you, that above shown Dwyane Wade shot happened mere minutes after my karma debacle.

But the Nets won, Danny and I got drunk, and we didn't have to bust our wallets to do so. I'd highly recommend that everyone call their Nets ticket agents and demand your ALL ACCESS pass; it is something that is definitely worth checking out. Tell them the MGM Grand sent you. But don't get too drunk - the video man sees all.