LeBron James and the Dangers of Living Vicariously

Are LeBron and I kindred spirits? No. But...well, no.

When it comes to analyzing sports, athletes are often painted in broad archetypes. You have your heroes. These are the fantastic teammates. They play the right way. They rescue player-pianos from burning houses. They win. Going through the NBA, you can rattle off "heroes" with ease - David Robinson, Steve Nash, and, of course, your favorite player on your favorite team. As a Nets fan, I am dying to list Jason Kidd here.

Unfortunately, I cannot. More often than not, athletes are seen as "villains". Not the "scheming to rule the world" type (although I don't rule out Stephen Jackson having a grand machination), but selfish, entitled jerks. Even those with spectacular on-court displays often find themselves tarnished by off-court mistakes, like Kobe Bryant and the aforementioned Kidd.

I followed basketball too much in high school. I knew entire rosters around the league, knew where the players went to college, and watched more than 70 of the Nets' 82 regular seasons (and caught every playoff game). Back then, I was totally into the "heroes" and "villains" thing. The first villain to feel my wrath was Stephon "All Alone 33" Marbury. Marbury and many others probably laid awake at night, unable to sleep due to my scathing criticisms. "This guy doesn't work hard!" "He's not a team player!" "He only cares about the money!"

This dynamic changed in 2003. After graduating high school, LeBron James entered the NBA. Few high school classes can clearly identify who their most successful graduate has been. For the Class of 2003, however, the answer is clearly LeBron James. And, now, there was a player my age (well, 35 days younger) in the NBA.

(Side note: I consider myself a Nets fan, and usually don't buy into following a specific player that some fans do. I know it doesn't make much sense - as I am basically rooting for a corporation [or "laundry" as Jerry Seinfeld once put it, but nowadays even the laundry changes]. It is akin to cheering for Universal Studios movies. But, with LeBron, I've made an exception to my silly rule.)

As the years progressed, LeBron grew and adapted to his new world, and so did I. Younger players continued to infiltrate the NBA, and soon my criticisms seemed petty and cantankerous. I don't work hard. I'm not a team player. I only care about the money. Where do I get off criticizing these kids?

Extreme narcissism allows me to continue to track my life along with LeBron. That's why I'm writing this. After his defeat in the second round of the 2010 Playoffs, the media came down on him, and began to write him off as another NBA "villain". Maybe his teammates weren't the problem - maybe LeBron just couldn't win a title. Maybe he'll abandon his team for selfish reasons. Maybe his mom is banging his teammate.

Extreme narcissism (and perhaps some delusion) allows me to deny these insinuations. I mean, LeBron is MY generation. It cannot be over already, right? Sure, he's been in the NBA for 7 years without the all-important ring, but he is (and I am) only 25. Sure, we're all a bit scared and thinking that maybe we ain't that young anymore. The Class of 2003 hasn't had their lives go according to the script - there haven't been multiple titles, but we do have our highlights and game-winning shots. And we're still fighting, trying to cement our legacy.

So what should LeBron do? You know just as well as I do. However, I felt my life significantly improved once I left my hometown. That isn't an indictment of Nutley, New Jersey, mind you. I was just forced to get out of my comfort zone and experience new challenges. I'm a Nets fan first and foremost, and would love to see him come here, but I do not see it happening. But, for his sake, I believe he needs to leave Cleveland behind.

Furthermore, I think Cleveland is cursed. Like the Los Angeles Clippers, the city has openly mocked Native Americans with the Cleveland Indians for far too long. It is no wonder that bad karma has always gone this city's way. So, pick a new team LeBron - if not for yourself, then for your generation. It is a town full of losers, and he has to pull out of there to win.

Netcade - Top 10 Nets Players of the 00s

Once the calendar hits December of any year ending in a 9, it is time for the masses to declare the top 10 of whatever the previous 10 years provided us. I have seen numerous lists recounting the best of film, television, music, sports, etc. But, where is the New Jersey Net love? As always, Slippery When Nets is hear to provide a voice for the little man! And now, I proudly present:

The Top 10 Nets Of The Zeros!

10. Jason Collins



Towards the end of his Nets tenure, Jason Collins became a divisive figure amongst Nets fans. Many argued he was too slow, and shot too poorly (as his below 50% free throw percentage can attest to). However, I don't want to spend too much time picking him apart, because there are so many forgotten positives.

First, if one looks at his numbers in his first four seasons, you will see a solid NBA center. I remember his free throw shooting was so good that he would often take the technical shots. But, the first word when talking about Jason Collins' career is one word: DEFENSE. He was an immense defensive presence on the Nets for six and a half season. He anchored the defense on and off the court. His defining moment has to be in the 2007 playoffs, where he absolutely owned Chris Bosh. It is no surprise that as soon as he was traded, the Nets' defense has steadily declined.

So yes, he will have his critics. However, as a Net, he brought everything he could to the game. He left nothing on the table. And for that, I am giving him the 10-spot.

9. Lucious Harris



Lucious gets the nod partially based on him sticking with the team through the worst of times in the 90s. When Jason Kidd arrived, Harris stepped up his game and became the most integral member of a solid Nets bench. In the middle of the 2002-2003 season, he started 25 games in place of an injured Kerry Kittles, and filled in admirably. He also shined in the famous triple-overtime game versus Detroit in the 2004 playoffs, hitting many clutch 3s. There are probably more talented Nets players than the first two I've listed, but there aren't many with more heart.

8. Brook Lopez



This is a complete potential pick. He has had only a season and a half so far, but I have high hopes for him. He is easily the most talented big-man the Nets have had this decade. He looks like he will be a future All-Star and a perennial 20/10 player. Will the Nets management get its act together and have a roster of decent players he can work with? That is the the question. It is a shame to watch him this season busting his ass and playing 40 minutes a night while the Simmons and Alstons of the world chuck up ugly 3-pointers.

7. Keith Van Horn



I already slobbered all over Mr. Van Horn in a previous blog post, so no need to go over the basics. Although, to be honest, I think it is time to rethink he career again. In the 2000 season, Keith was the second best player on the Nets, behind Stephon Marbury. The rest of the starters were Jim McIlvaine, Kendall Gill, and Kerry Kittles. How many games did they win? 31. This current team, whose two best players are Lopez and Devin Harris, are on pace to win 6. Perhaps the players on that team are better than we remember them.

6. Devin Harris



Well, I'm going to make this quick, before my rage takes over and I remove him from this list. He came in, and filled in admirably for the Captain. In the 2008 season, he helped the Nets get off to a good start, and made the All-Star team. However, this season, he has been abysmal - showing no leadership, playing no defense, and possibly undermining Lawrence Frank. However, he is still young and talented, but I fear I'll look back on at this list next decade and just shake my head.

5. Kerry Kittles



Like Lucious Harris, this is a longevity award. Kerry Kittles is perhaps the one player of the decade you can definitively call a "True Net". People forget, but the 2001-02 season not only marked the Nets' best season, but Kerry Kittles playing every game after missing the entire 2000-01 season due to injury. A starter for the two NBA Finals teams, Kittles made the most out of his injury-shortened career, and will be appearing a surprising number of times on ESPN Classic in the future.

4. Richard Jefferson



Like Kerry Kittles, a "True Net" through-and-through. He gets the nod over Kittles for three reasons:

1. He was better than Kittles in his prime

2. He played more seasons than Kittles in this decade.

3. When he was traded from the Nets, he said he wanted to remain a Net.

What? Read point #3 again. That has never happened in my recollection. EVER. And it may never happen again.

3. Vince Carter



I have made no secret of the fact that I am not a fan of Vince Carter. I eviscerated his game in this embarrassingly optimistic column this summer. But, you cannot ignore his contributions to the Nets from 2005 to 2009. He may not be the best player on a championship team, or on conference finalist team, or even on a 50-win team. But, you can count on VC for being the best player on a 30-to-40 win team. With the way this season has gone, I miss Vince more and more.

2. Kenyon Martin



1. Jason Kidd



Could it be any others in the top two? Kenyon Martin was the heart of the operation, while Jason Kidd provided the brains and the willpower. Kidd was more important, but neither has found the same sort of success in their careers that they had from 2001 to 2004.

Unfortunately, these teams have been forgotten and occasionally disrespected as the decade has worn on. "They were boring." "The East was weak." "There were no fans in New Jersey." All of this is, of course, bullshit. I will leave you with my favorite YouTube clip of the past month. Keep in mind these factors: This was the second round. This was Game 5. The Nets were up 3-1. Basically, it was a pretty mediocre set of circumstances. However, listen to the crowd. We loved it (and I say "we", as I was at this game). Even when the Nets made the second round in 2006 and 2007, the intensity did not match this. Listen to the announcers' voices crack as Kidd and Martin put on a defensive clinic on the lowly Hornets. Savor these moments, Nets fans. Perhaps, next decade, we'll be lucky enough to enjoy them again.

Trips Through Memory Lane

We're still in the dog-days of the NBA offseason. I was able to kill time with some nicknames, but we're still over a month away from tip-off. I don't feel like analyzing a trade that may not be completed about 2016, and I don't want to talk about the possibility of a scary Russian taking over the team. So, let's dig into the memory banks, and I'll kill more time talking about my favorite season: 2001-02.

As everyone is well aware, that was the franchise's best season, and also the first time I felt "rewarded" for following the team. Not "rewarded" in the physical, "here's a reversible jersey, you gullible fool!" sense, but rather on an emotional level. Following a sports team is a thankless, one-sided relationship built on subjective loyalty and vicarious emotions. I am just a customer, paying to be entertained. But, during this season, I was able to shelve this logic and enjoy the ride.

(Also, I was 17, so my hormones were making me a seething cauldron of testosterone. Since there were no girls in my life, sports became that much more important. Although, perhaps it was because sports were so important that there were no girls in my life. Whatever. Onward!)

As the Nets piled up wins that season, they gained the attention of North Jersey. Being one of the few Nets fans at my high school, people would come up and congratulate me on the team's success, as if I had anything to do with it. People I never had much conversations with would ask me how I felt about the team's recent success. It was like I just became a father. Or, more accurately, I was the father of a perpetual fuck up, and he finally got accepted into Montclair State.

There were many landmark games in that season, but I always felt the Nets turned the page in a game I was at in January, when the Nets played the Spurs and won on a last minute Kerry Kittles drive. That's when I knew this was a potential championship team. Thinking back, there are many classic moments to choose from, such as Nets-Pacers Game 5 (as chronicled already by myself here), or Game 6 of the Nets-Celtics series.

However, the one that is overlooked is Game 4 of the 2002 Eastern Semi-Finals versus the Charlotte Hornets. The Hornets were a "dark horse" team that year, with a solid scoring attack of Baron Davis, Jamal Mashburn, and David Wesley, with solid bigs in PJ Brown, Elden Campbell, and a young Jamaal Magliore. In the previous game, the Nets lost as Jason Kidd went down in a bloody heap. He collided with David Wesley, and blood streamed out of a cut above his eye. As I watched it, I felt my heart sank. How serious was this injury? Is the season over?

But, in came our hero for Game 4, with a giant band-aid over his eyebrow. This game was on Mother's Day, and my family took my grandmother to the Meadowlands racetrack (important lesson learned: while a stroke may take away your ability to walk and talk, it can't take away your love of gambling). I've been there several times, and usually they'd have TV screens with filled with racing information, and a couple tuned to whatever local sport is on (such as baseball). This time, over a third, maybe half, the TVs were switched to the Nets game. We got a table in the Pegasus restaurant area, and switched the little TV on the table to the game. During the game, the Meadowlands staff would walk by and glance at the score on our TV. I specifically remember seeing a guy peaking over the wall separating our table from the betting section to see the game. It was the first time I felt that there was a Nets "community" - not just a few die-hards like us on the internet, but a whole area of northern NJ that legitimately wanted this team to win. Or were bandwagoners. Whatever, there's room for everybody!

Thinking back, you have to cherish moments like this. I remember watching the Denver in the playoffs this year, and they would continuously show graphics pointing out that this was the furthest Denver had gone in the playoffs in 25 years. It might be another 20 years before the Nets ever see this kind of success. But, it is memories like this (and the rest of the season) which makes the money and time wasted following sports all worthwhile. I hate to admit it, but choosing to continue to follow the Nets this season was a very difficult decision. Quite frankly, I don't trust the management to use the cap space efficiently next off-season. However, each season brings new hope...remember, there's still a chance!

Random Nets Crap - Nets Bobbleheads

Boy, it has been a long-ass time since I did one of these. Time to dust off the old intro:

As a long-time Nets fan, I've compiled a shitload of Nets memorabilia and freebies throughout the years. Now, feast your eyes on the more ridiculous and obscure paraphernalia in a blog feature I call....RANDOM NETS CRAP!

Ah, there. So what's on the platter?

NETS BOBBLEHEADS



As opposed to Meanie Babies, bobbleheads are a classic sporting event give-away that never goes out of style. The other week at a Mets game, I received a Frankie Rodriguez Bobblehead, with a disturbing O-face pose (I'm not going to post a pic, since this is a Nets blog. You'll just have to look at slipperywhenmets.com to find it). I'm not exactly sure when these were released, but I'm assuming sometime between 2000 and 2003. I'll run through them in the order I remember them being released, starting with the player who truly defines "bobblehead"...



Stephon Marbury

By now, most basketball fans have accepted Marbury is a basket-case, but Nets fans have known this since 1999. The Marbury days were possibly the bleakest time as a Nets fan, where there was no cap space, no young prospects, and tons of injuries. There seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel. While this Nets season looks ominous, I definitely feel more confident about the future of the team than I did 9 years ago.

Marbury's descent into madness was only vexing in how inordinately predictable it was. The best part about Stephon Marbury's basketball career was watching the fans in Phoenix and New York talk themselves into rooting for him, just as Nets fans had done previously, and then, months later, watching their unconditional love turn into deadly venom.

By the way, the head came off of this figure years ago, I don't recall how:



I swear, this was unintentional (as I take good care of all my material possessions). But, it seems very symbolic of his future.

Oh, and he has his "Coney Island's Finest" tattoo on his bobblehead. Is that the first bobblehead with tattoos? If so, kudos to the toy designer for breaking the tattoo barrier.

Next up is Stephon Marbury's life-long friend:



Keith Van Horn

If you sift through my archives, you will find a profuse amount of words on Keith Van Horn. When I come up with a Bill Simmons-esque theory comparing Keith Van Horn to Eagle Eye Cherry, I will post it immediately. As for now, just marvel at the aesthetics of this bobblehead. When I close my eyes and think of the color white, I see this shape. A nice addition to the bobblehead (in comparison to the Stephon Marbury predecessor) is the name along the base. This way, future generations won't confuse him for other white Nets players like Boki Nachbar or Ryan Anderson.

Next up, the captain...



T.J.!

Er, uh...

Jason Kidd

You know everything I said about the Marbury Nets above? Just reverse it for the Jason Kidd Nets. Next week, I'll share my favorite Nets memory regarding Jason.

This bobblehead, however, is not one of them. Two things: they moved the ball to be in front of his jersey, so you cannot see his number; and they added a dumb little sponsor (Foot Locker). Despite this, I'll be taking much better care of this bobblehead than the two previous examples, as it might actually be worth something in 20 years. I mean, can you think of a better Nets icon to be represented in bobblehead form? Well, there is one possibility...



Sly the Silver Fox

Ah, Sly. You've gotten your own car, you're own month in a calendar, and now your own bobblehead! For a fox representing a franchise whose team name and state has no association with foxes, I'd see you've done quite well for yourself.

And, must I say, this is a sharply designed bobblehead. Yes, it does have a crappy little sponsor at the bottom. But the pose is cool, the blue uniform is snazzier than the tighty whiteys, and the silver lettering is a nice touch.

Since these four, I cannot recall more Nets bobbleheads. They had a Vince Carter one the other year, but it was a smaller one that is not in scale with classic bobbleheads (I ended up breaking that one, unfortunately). With attendance numbers sagging, I say it is time to bring back the bobbleheads! I'm sure it would get a more positive reception than that damn reversible jersey idea.

Kidd Versus Martin - The Nets Fan's Dilemma

"There's two kinds of people in this world, Elvis people and Beatles people. Now Beatles people can like Elvis. And Elvis people can like the Beatles. But nobody likes them both equally. Somewhere you have to make a choice. And that choice tells me who you are." - Mia Wallace



Last Sunday, I joined my friend Jimmy at a bar to watch the Nuggets playoff game. He is from Colorado and was rooting strongly for his team. I was just a casual fan, taking my own advice by trying to absorb as many playoff games this spring as possible. But as I downed the brews, I slowly realized...

There was Jason Kidd. There was Kenyon Martin. On the court. Playing against each other.

I ran through the gamut of emotions. Confused. Shocked. Bitter. Depressed. But ultimately, I was happy for them. It has been written at length before by much better writers than me, but rooting for a sports team is a completely one-sided relationship. As a fan, you just have to take as much vicarious happiness as possible. And these two players were responsible for the best memories I have as a fan. So, it was inspiring to see them back in the playoffs, rebuilding careers that have been deteriorated by age (Kidd) and injury (Martin).

However, like the quote above implies, I have to root for one. I am sure many people watching this series just hoping to see good basketball and remain impartial. While I attempt to do this, deep down, I am always pulling for one team over the other. I have debated this in my mind. I feel like a child who's parents have divorced and are playing each other in the Western Conference semi-finals. So, time to break it down.

Kidd, without a doubt, was the MVP of the glory days of Nets basketball. He set the expectations for the team high, and carried them to two NBA Finals. While he doesn't have the best off court character, he made all his teammates better, and indirectly earned excessive contracts for Richard Jefferson, Jason Collins, Brian Scalabrine, Mikki Moore, and, yes, Kenyon Martin. Just look at Josh Boone's production since Jason Kidd left - he cost Boone a contract that could have rivaled Jerome James in the level of ridiculousness. Without question, Kidd is the greatest Nets player to wear the number 5, and will be the last player to wear that number.

Martin, on the other hand, is no where near the talent Jason Kidd was. However, he brought a fury and passion for the game that I have not seen EVER on the Nets. Screaming after dunks, the flagrant fouls, the ball-engulfing blocks, the intense commitment to defense - who was this, and did he know he was playing on the Nets. In high school, I used to bring homework to the Nets games. That's how dead it was at the arena. But when Kenyon Martin rolled into town, the Continental Arena became a frenzied place. K-Mart was, without question, the emotional leader of the team.

But enough of my ranting, I'll let Lawrence Frank break it down. Just listen to the first question of this video:



The way they left were both infuriating yet understandable. Ultimately, both wanted more money. Kenyon was young, and wanted the big contract. Since he stayed all four years at college, he was older when he rookie contract ended. He was only going to get one large contract, so he had to milk it for all he could. The Nets ended up getting a few picks back, which they parlayed into Vince Carter. Kenyon has since battled injuries, so in hindsight, the Nets were able to make the best of a bad situation.

Kidd, on the other hand, left on a more contentious note. He realized his window of opportunity was slipping, and wanted to be traded to a "contender". It was a slap in the face to the fans who supported him for 7 years. However, I think winning wasn't nearly as important as getting more money. When Thorn rejected Kidd's demand for a contract extension, that's when the powder keg ignited. On the bright side, the Nets also came out of this well, too, shedding salary, gaining a young stud in Devin Harris, and adding a few draft picks as well.

While I do not hold a grudge against Kidd, I feel I can relate to Kenyon's situation a bit more. He was a free agent, and could go wherever he wanted. Kidd was still being paid, and owed it to his employers, teammates, and fans to show respect and play through his deal in good times and bad. So, by the thinnest of margins, I'm throwing my support to Kenyon Martin. Either way, I hope the series provides great entertainment, and I'll be happy with either team winning.

Note: I'm publishing this early, because if I wait until Monday, the series may be over. I may post something new on Monday, stay tuned.