In time for the last (and most meaningless) Nets-Knicks game of the season, I go on a 600+ word rant finally laying out everything I hate about the Knicks. Needless to say, it was quite cathartic.
Click here to read "Shove It Up Your Knickhole".
Showing posts with label Angry Ranting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Angry Ranting. Show all posts
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Monday, February 22, 2010
Suffering - It's Everywhere To Me
This season of Nets basketball will probably go down in history as one of humanity's most heinous crimes. As I near the end of my first year of Nets blogging, I've run out of ways to say the word "awful". So, for the rest of this rant, I'll be checking in my thesaurus. See if you can catch me! (Yes, I know this game is abominable, but bear with me. This is a ghastly season.)
As harrowing as it is watching the games, the YES Network has been implementing a new torture strategy on Nets fans. They have been rerunning the same 10 or so commercials over and over again. This would not be so abhorrent if I was watching a 30 minute sitcom, but a two and a half hour games for seven months? It becomes scaring to the psyche.
The most deplorable spot comes from my bank, Chase, and an old Michelle Branch song.
Perhaps you have seen it? I swear, this commercial airs multiple times per timeout! By the second quarter, I am aware of a couple facts:
1. Kiki cannot coach.
2. Chase is everywhere to me.
3. Yi Jianlian doesn't lift his arms to rebound.
4. When I close my eyes, it is Chase's logo I see.
5. Stay tuned for an all-new Michael Kay show!
This 30-second section of the song has been so drilled into my head. I'm convinced that the real song is just 30-seconds long. I get it. There's a lot of Chase banks. Walking around Manhattan has made me keenly aware of this fact. Using Chase's branch locator, I've found 22 Chase's within one mile of my apartment. And that isn't including the ATMs available at all the Duane Reade's!
Here is my list of songs I would use in future Chase commercials, involving the money and the "everywhere" theme. If I've missed any, please list them in the comments:
"Moneytalks" - AC/DC
"Takin' Care of Business" - Bachmann Turner-Overdrive (as long as they get to the "working overtime" part fast)
"Here, There, and Everywhere" - The Beatles
"You Never Give Me Your Money" - The Beatles
"Call Me" - Blondie
"Peace of Mind" - Boston
"Money For Nothing" - Dire Straights
"Take Me Home Tonight" - Eddie Money
"Reach Out (I'll Be There)" - The Four Tops
"Will You Be There?" - Michael Jackson
"Opportunities" - Pet Shop Boys
"Every Breath You Take" - The Police
"Right Here Waiting" - Richard Marx (this gets my vote!)
As harrowing as it is watching the games, the YES Network has been implementing a new torture strategy on Nets fans. They have been rerunning the same 10 or so commercials over and over again. This would not be so abhorrent if I was watching a 30 minute sitcom, but a two and a half hour games for seven months? It becomes scaring to the psyche.
The most deplorable spot comes from my bank, Chase, and an old Michelle Branch song.
Perhaps you have seen it? I swear, this commercial airs multiple times per timeout! By the second quarter, I am aware of a couple facts:
1. Kiki cannot coach.
2. Chase is everywhere to me.
3. Yi Jianlian doesn't lift his arms to rebound.
4. When I close my eyes, it is Chase's logo I see.
5. Stay tuned for an all-new Michael Kay show!
This 30-second section of the song has been so drilled into my head. I'm convinced that the real song is just 30-seconds long. I get it. There's a lot of Chase banks. Walking around Manhattan has made me keenly aware of this fact. Using Chase's branch locator, I've found 22 Chase's within one mile of my apartment. And that isn't including the ATMs available at all the Duane Reade's!
Here is my list of songs I would use in future Chase commercials, involving the money and the "everywhere" theme. If I've missed any, please list them in the comments:
"Moneytalks" - AC/DC
"Takin' Care of Business" - Bachmann Turner-Overdrive (as long as they get to the "working overtime" part fast)
"Here, There, and Everywhere" - The Beatles
"You Never Give Me Your Money" - The Beatles
"Call Me" - Blondie
"Peace of Mind" - Boston
"Money For Nothing" - Dire Straights
"Take Me Home Tonight" - Eddie Money
"Reach Out (I'll Be There)" - The Four Tops
"Will You Be There?" - Michael Jackson
"Opportunities" - Pet Shop Boys
"Every Breath You Take" - The Police
"Right Here Waiting" - Richard Marx (this gets my vote!)
Monday, February 8, 2010
Reader E-mails - Yup, that's pretty much the gist of it...
The other day, I received this e-mail from a SWN reader named Ken. Ken shares a few things that I believe all of us are thinking (I've edited for spelling). To share your thoughts on the season, please e-mail slipperywhennets at gmail. Thanks, and I appreicate the support!
Hi there,
I found your page a few weeks ago, people who still follow the Nets seems to be few and far between. I am a long suffering fan - since Dr. J and the ABA days. We make a yearly trek to a game - was just in Detroit and watch the Nets lose another game and darn near kill each other with that collision!
I have been very disappointed in Harris's play this year and made it a point to focus on him the whole first period. I was amazed at what I saw!
I for one would have a heart to heart talk with him and decide if he takes the floor again!
His play was...well, in a word...useless.
Not ONCE in the first period did he make any attempt to score. Not a shot, not a single pick and roll...fact is, I do not believe he once dribbled in the paint.
He would get the inbound pass, dribble over mid-court, pass the ball, and slide off the the side. Then, he'd stand there. On occasion, he might run down low and back up, but did nothing. He was subbed for Dooling, who, in a matter of minutes, was driving the lane, passed off, and got two easy baskets.
At the end of the game, he still got 20, but he could have had twice that. Every time he did drive in and pull up, he scored. They lose by 7...awful.
They look so lifeless for most of the game. Yi should be getting a handful of minutes. The number of rebounds he loses because he doesn't get his hands on it is also awful.
They are playing like stiffs. There they were with a lead late int he game, and then manage to miss 9 out of the next 11 shots, with almost none of them being drives to the basket (which is how they got back into it.
The only good news is a great draft pick, but as we all know, they will manage to lose out on that also!
Keep up the blogging!
Ken
Rochester, NY
There's a lot of truth to what Ken says. Now, the excuse you will hear for Devin Harris is that he is playing injured. This may be true, but every NBA player is playing slightly injured. But, there's two names left out of this scathing e-mail - Rod Thorn and Kiki. The team DOES NOT HAVE A COACH. I know there is a power struggle between these two bozos, but we are paying fans GODDAMMIT! We deserve a complete team, with a real coach, as soon as YESTERDAY.
I completely feel for you, Ken. I haven't been watching YES, attending less games, and even staying away from other Nets blogs during this season. Making one pilgrimage to a game this season must be painful. I've fortunately had good luck attending the games so far (if you can call 2-5 good luck).
And, sadly, I agree with you about that draft pick. I'm banking on #4 as well.
Hi there,
I found your page a few weeks ago, people who still follow the Nets seems to be few and far between. I am a long suffering fan - since Dr. J and the ABA days. We make a yearly trek to a game - was just in Detroit and watch the Nets lose another game and darn near kill each other with that collision!
I have been very disappointed in Harris's play this year and made it a point to focus on him the whole first period. I was amazed at what I saw!
I for one would have a heart to heart talk with him and decide if he takes the floor again!
His play was...well, in a word...useless.
Not ONCE in the first period did he make any attempt to score. Not a shot, not a single pick and roll...fact is, I do not believe he once dribbled in the paint.
He would get the inbound pass, dribble over mid-court, pass the ball, and slide off the the side. Then, he'd stand there. On occasion, he might run down low and back up, but did nothing. He was subbed for Dooling, who, in a matter of minutes, was driving the lane, passed off, and got two easy baskets.
At the end of the game, he still got 20, but he could have had twice that. Every time he did drive in and pull up, he scored. They lose by 7...awful.
They look so lifeless for most of the game. Yi should be getting a handful of minutes. The number of rebounds he loses because he doesn't get his hands on it is also awful.
They are playing like stiffs. There they were with a lead late int he game, and then manage to miss 9 out of the next 11 shots, with almost none of them being drives to the basket (which is how they got back into it.
The only good news is a great draft pick, but as we all know, they will manage to lose out on that also!
Keep up the blogging!
Ken
Rochester, NY
There's a lot of truth to what Ken says. Now, the excuse you will hear for Devin Harris is that he is playing injured. This may be true, but every NBA player is playing slightly injured. But, there's two names left out of this scathing e-mail - Rod Thorn and Kiki. The team DOES NOT HAVE A COACH. I know there is a power struggle between these two bozos, but we are paying fans GODDAMMIT! We deserve a complete team, with a real coach, as soon as YESTERDAY.
I completely feel for you, Ken. I haven't been watching YES, attending less games, and even staying away from other Nets blogs during this season. Making one pilgrimage to a game this season must be painful. I've fortunately had good luck attending the games so far (if you can call 2-5 good luck).
And, sadly, I agree with you about that draft pick. I'm banking on #4 as well.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Oh, We're Half Way There
The Nets are half-way through this "season", which is destined to go down as one of mankind's most heinous crimes. In New Jersey fashion, I'll organize this week's rant in Livin' On A Prayer fashion. I'm not sure where this will go, but I'm sure there will be some tears shed by the end...
Once upon a time, not so long ago...
The Nets were winning Atlantic Division and Eastern Conference titles. Just trying to remember the good times. OK, now back to reality...
It's tough...so tough.
Without exaggeration, this is the most infuriating time I have had as a sports fan. First and foremost, as a sports fan, you demand your team to show effort. Acting like you give a crap is the largest chunk of the battle in winning over sports fans, moreso than winning. It is why Raptors fans hate Vince, even though he brought that team more success than any player. Since Kiki took over from Lawrence Frank, these players have all checked out. I am convinced that nobody on the team is friends, either.
The whole organization is toxic, and needs to be blown apart. Nets fans have debated whether Devin Harris or Brook Lopez should be "untouchable" - I'm sorry. This is the worst team in the history of sports - there are no untouchable players. Refresh yourself with the 72-73 Sixers - see any untouchables on that roster? The only Hall-of-Famer was an ancient Hal Greer, who played half the season and then retired.
I blame this lack of effort solely on Kiki's shoulders. Frank's 0-16 team would trounce this current incarnation. I have found myself sometimes wishing physical harm on Kiki, but talk myself out of it. I want him fired immediately, but want him to get hired by another moronic organization that he can destroy. The Nets need to compete against 29 teams every year for a championship - with Kiki running one, that number goes down to 28.
We've got to hold on to what we've got, 'cause it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not
I'm afraid the Nets will make a panic trade, and bring in a player who will destroy their cap space and cost them several draft picks. As mentioned before, the Nets need a complete make-over, not a touch-up. Ten draft picks in the next three years and $30M in cap space can do that, Caron Butler or Andrei Kirilenko cannot.
LIVIN' ON A PRAYER!
That's all the Nets fans can hope for: the power of prayer getting them those seven more wins to avoid the worst record ever, or getting the number one pick in the draft. Teams don't luck into wins, they have to be earned. This team WILL NOT EARN THEM. I have been saying this since November 19th, 2009. Will any free agents want to join this circus? That remains to be seen.
Bottom line: I'm angry, and, if you are reading this, so are you. The frustrating thing is: nobody cares. Nobody is talking about how Kiki is stealing money from the organization. It is utterly hopeless. I bet you feel like running away, and you are crying in the night.
Baby - it's OK. Someday.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Three Point Land - November 14th through November 18th
It's over. Revising my prediction YET AGAIN! I originally predicted 25 wins, then chopped that in half to 12 wins. Now?
Six.
Trust me, I am not overreacting, or trying some lame reverse jinx. Given what has happened this season, and the effort I have seen from the players and coaching staff, I am not convinced there are ANY games the Nets can win this season.
People will say they have tons of injuries, and when they get healthy, they will win. Well, my argument is two-pronged. First, you cannot assume that when the other players get healthy, the current players will ALSO stay healthy. Guys like Rafer Alston, Trenton Hassell, and Eduardo Najera are very old, and should not be logging huge minutes. Case in point: Najera went down as soon as CDR came back. Also, players are not normally at full strength after coming back from injury, so the working them back up to speed will take longer.
But, the more depressing thing is: look who we are counting on to save our season. Yi Jianlian. Courtney Lee. Jarvis Hayes. Devin is fine, but these guys aren't going to make us instant winners again. To paraphrase Rick Pitino: Jason Kidd isn't walking through that door. Richard Jefferson isn't walking through that door. Kenyon Martin isn't walking through that door. They are an awful team now, and will still be very bad even at full strength.
Record Needed To Avoid Being The Worst NBA Team Ever: 10-60 (0.143)
Anyway, onto the recaps, which will, unfortunately, have more venting.
November 14th - At Miami, 80-81 Loss
Yet another game I didn't watch, because I was out eating sushi and drinking sake. However, that did not stop my phone from being inundating with calls and texts from my fellow Nets fans. I am an atheist, but thank Jeebus I didn't watch this game. My friends called this one of the most frustrating losses they ever saw. Clearly, they have short memories, as from what I can tell, the Minnesota loss to open the season was way worse - blowing a huge lead, and losing to a bad team.
November 17th - vs. Indiana, 83-91 Loss
OK, I was very excited about this game. First, I loved the Nets marketing campaign:
Oh man, how could you see that and NOT get pumped. 10 IS ENOUGH! PACK THE IZOD! FUCK YEAH!
Well, I did go to pack the Izod, which was still probably three-quarters empty. And, let me sum this one up: Ten was not enough.
The Pacers started with a 9-0 run, and never looked back. This loss, to me, was more disappointing than the Miami loss. There was no effort, no heart, no glimmer of hope. It was after this game that I revised my prediction and wrote the opening to this article (before even accounting for the inevitable loss at Milwaukee).
And, a special note to Brook Lopez: WAKE UP! Seriously, enough with the 20-footers. Hibbert took you to school in this game with - get this - POST MOVES! A tall guy using his height and strength to play inside? A novel idea, Brook. You might want to look into it.
November 18th - At Milwaukee, 85-99 Loss
Basically, I'm all vented out at this point. I missed this game due to the comedy class, but was able to write the above entries and opening without knowing the outcome of this game. You see, there is no reason to have any confidence they will win. They will be record-settingly bad.
I'm sorry if this entry depressed my loyal readers, but it is the truth. They are the 2008 Lions. I had not fully come to terms with this earlier, but now I have. I've said my piece, and I will move on. Future entries will go back to their normal, funnier tone.
Six.
Trust me, I am not overreacting, or trying some lame reverse jinx. Given what has happened this season, and the effort I have seen from the players and coaching staff, I am not convinced there are ANY games the Nets can win this season.
People will say they have tons of injuries, and when they get healthy, they will win. Well, my argument is two-pronged. First, you cannot assume that when the other players get healthy, the current players will ALSO stay healthy. Guys like Rafer Alston, Trenton Hassell, and Eduardo Najera are very old, and should not be logging huge minutes. Case in point: Najera went down as soon as CDR came back. Also, players are not normally at full strength after coming back from injury, so the working them back up to speed will take longer.
But, the more depressing thing is: look who we are counting on to save our season. Yi Jianlian. Courtney Lee. Jarvis Hayes. Devin is fine, but these guys aren't going to make us instant winners again. To paraphrase Rick Pitino: Jason Kidd isn't walking through that door. Richard Jefferson isn't walking through that door. Kenyon Martin isn't walking through that door. They are an awful team now, and will still be very bad even at full strength.
Record Needed To Avoid Being The Worst NBA Team Ever: 10-60 (0.143)
Anyway, onto the recaps, which will, unfortunately, have more venting.
November 14th - At Miami, 80-81 Loss
Yet another game I didn't watch, because I was out eating sushi and drinking sake. However, that did not stop my phone from being inundating with calls and texts from my fellow Nets fans. I am an atheist, but thank Jeebus I didn't watch this game. My friends called this one of the most frustrating losses they ever saw. Clearly, they have short memories, as from what I can tell, the Minnesota loss to open the season was way worse - blowing a huge lead, and losing to a bad team.
November 17th - vs. Indiana, 83-91 Loss
OK, I was very excited about this game. First, I loved the Nets marketing campaign:
Oh man, how could you see that and NOT get pumped. 10 IS ENOUGH! PACK THE IZOD! FUCK YEAH!
Well, I did go to pack the Izod, which was still probably three-quarters empty. And, let me sum this one up: Ten was not enough.
The Pacers started with a 9-0 run, and never looked back. This loss, to me, was more disappointing than the Miami loss. There was no effort, no heart, no glimmer of hope. It was after this game that I revised my prediction and wrote the opening to this article (before even accounting for the inevitable loss at Milwaukee).
And, a special note to Brook Lopez: WAKE UP! Seriously, enough with the 20-footers. Hibbert took you to school in this game with - get this - POST MOVES! A tall guy using his height and strength to play inside? A novel idea, Brook. You might want to look into it.
November 18th - At Milwaukee, 85-99 Loss
Basically, I'm all vented out at this point. I missed this game due to the comedy class, but was able to write the above entries and opening without knowing the outcome of this game. You see, there is no reason to have any confidence they will win. They will be record-settingly bad.
I'm sorry if this entry depressed my loyal readers, but it is the truth. They are the 2008 Lions. I had not fully come to terms with this earlier, but now I have. I've said my piece, and I will move on. Future entries will go back to their normal, funnier tone.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Everything You Wanted to Know About the 2009 Nets...But Had Better Things To Do Than Ask
Team Name: Brooklyn New Jersey Nets
Last Year’s Record: 34-48
Key Losses: Vince Carter, Ryan Anderson, Trust of the Fanbase, $25 Million
Key Additions: Courtney Lee, Terrence Williams, a scary Russian Billionaire, Ridiculous Marketing Decisions
1. What Significant Moves were made during the off-season?
This summer was a relaxing one for the Nets management. Team President Rod Thorn and General Manager Kiki Vandeweghe spent the summer in Sandy Hook, chasing girls in their Camaro while blasting Sugar Ray's Greatest Hits. Their blissful summer nights consisted of laying on the roof of the car, drinking warm beer, and discussing how small they were in the universe. Owner Bruce Ratner tried to start his own lemonade stand, but did not have enough money to buy one of those "LEMONADE" signs with the "E"s turned backwards. VP of Marketing Brett Yormark's summer was sponsored by Coca-Cola, Coppertone, and Stiletto's on Paterson Plank Road!
Also, Vince Carter was traded to Orlando. They have cap space for two max free agents in 2010. And there's a new Russian owner. Yeah I know - YAWN!
2. What are the team’s biggest strengths?
As Michael Scott once said, "My weaknesses are actually my strengths." It is very appropriate when describing this team. The Nets have a lot of youth, and a lot of cap space. Basically, the pieces are aligning for a serious run at the top free agents in the summer of 2010. The new owner, Mikhail Prokhorov, is now the richest owner in the NBA, which could help in the future as well.
As for the roster itself, they may be set for the future at two key positions, with Brook Lopez and Devin Harris manning the center and point guard roles. Courtney Lee showed some flashes with Orlando last season, and he, along with Keyon Dooling, Chris Douglas-Roberts, and Skip To My Lou, will be asked to pick up the scoring load with the departure of Vince Carter. Terrence Williams is also getting some preseason buzz, as well.
3. What are the team’s biggest weaknesses?
Basically, the front-court is abysmal. Simmons and Hayes should do a yeoman's job handling the small forward position, but the Nets lack a true power forward. Yi Jianlian is the best one on the roster, and he shot 38% from the field, played very poor defense, and was frequently benched in favor of Ryan Anderson (a key loss in the Vince Carter trade). Josh Boone lost all confidence last season, and has become a complete liability on offense. Rounding out this horrific trio is Sean Williams, whose off-court rap sheet is growing longer by the day (which I chronicled here). This is a roster hole you can drive a truck through.
Other issues lie in areas such as the team's lack of experience and poor defense. But, basically, with so many young players on the roster, you could hit the lottery or end up back in the lottery.
Off the basketball court, the ownership change may cause some friction in the head office. Both Rod Thorn and Lawrence Frank are in the final years of their respective contracts, and the Russian may seek to replace them. This lame duck status can negatively affect the team, as it did with Byron Scott in the 2003-04 season.
4. What are the goals for this team?
The Nets need to use this season to clearly see what their assets are truly worth. Clearly, Bobby Simmons, Rafer Alston, Tony Battie, Eduardo Najera, and Trenton Hassell will not be back next year. What can Terrence Williams achieve in the league? Is Courtney Lee the starting shooting guard for the team's future? Is Yi Jianlian or Chris Douglas-Roberts worthy of a roster spot? Are Josh Boone and Sean Williams just busts, or major busts? Is there room enough to keep valuable veterans like Keyon Dooling and Jarvis Hayes around?
The way I see it, wins are an added bonus for the team this season. If the Nets go through another season and still don't know the value of their prospects, it will be a failed season.
5. So, how the hell do you get to the games?
Glad you asked! In the past, I've ranted about how the public transportation to the arena sucks. In case you don't have time to read it, here it is in a nutshell: instead of having a bus that takes you directly from New York City to the Meadowlands (as they have in previous years), they have a train that takes you from New York to Secaucus instead - which is actually taking you FURTHER AWAY from the Meadowlands. Then, you have to take a bus from there. That's New fuckin Jersey for you. But have they made any changes this year?
Well, they sure did! They instituted a rail system that takes you from the Secaucus to the Meadowlands. Which, from what I can tell, does nothing to solve the problem that YOU ARE STILL FURTHER FROM THE FUCKING MEADOWLANDS THAN YOU WOULD BE IF YOU JUST TOOK A BUS LIKE THEY USED TO HAVE! Furthermore, this rail system completely and utterly failed during a recent concert they had in U2, with many people (including myself) waiting 2 hours to get back to New York (you can read about this here and here. But, this is all for naught, as they won't be running this train during Nets games anyway. So the current situation sucks, they instituted a new solution, which sucks, and then they aren't going to use it. I'm so glad I moved out of that shitty state so my taxes don't go to utter waste like this. Instead, I now pay for governors to buy prostitutes! I can't wait for the Nets to move to Brooklyn, so people can actually get to the games.
Projected Finish: Loyal readers know I suck at predictions. So, I am not going to put much thought into this. How about...say...24-58? That do anything for you?
Last Year’s Record: 34-48
Key Losses: Vince Carter, Ryan Anderson, Trust of the Fanbase, $25 Million
Key Additions: Courtney Lee, Terrence Williams, a scary Russian Billionaire, Ridiculous Marketing Decisions
1. What Significant Moves were made during the off-season?
This summer was a relaxing one for the Nets management. Team President Rod Thorn and General Manager Kiki Vandeweghe spent the summer in Sandy Hook, chasing girls in their Camaro while blasting Sugar Ray's Greatest Hits. Their blissful summer nights consisted of laying on the roof of the car, drinking warm beer, and discussing how small they were in the universe. Owner Bruce Ratner tried to start his own lemonade stand, but did not have enough money to buy one of those "LEMONADE" signs with the "E"s turned backwards. VP of Marketing Brett Yormark's summer was sponsored by Coca-Cola, Coppertone, and Stiletto's on Paterson Plank Road!
Also, Vince Carter was traded to Orlando. They have cap space for two max free agents in 2010. And there's a new Russian owner. Yeah I know - YAWN!
2. What are the team’s biggest strengths?
As Michael Scott once said, "My weaknesses are actually my strengths." It is very appropriate when describing this team. The Nets have a lot of youth, and a lot of cap space. Basically, the pieces are aligning for a serious run at the top free agents in the summer of 2010. The new owner, Mikhail Prokhorov, is now the richest owner in the NBA, which could help in the future as well.
As for the roster itself, they may be set for the future at two key positions, with Brook Lopez and Devin Harris manning the center and point guard roles. Courtney Lee showed some flashes with Orlando last season, and he, along with Keyon Dooling, Chris Douglas-Roberts, and Skip To My Lou, will be asked to pick up the scoring load with the departure of Vince Carter. Terrence Williams is also getting some preseason buzz, as well.
3. What are the team’s biggest weaknesses?
Basically, the front-court is abysmal. Simmons and Hayes should do a yeoman's job handling the small forward position, but the Nets lack a true power forward. Yi Jianlian is the best one on the roster, and he shot 38% from the field, played very poor defense, and was frequently benched in favor of Ryan Anderson (a key loss in the Vince Carter trade). Josh Boone lost all confidence last season, and has become a complete liability on offense. Rounding out this horrific trio is Sean Williams, whose off-court rap sheet is growing longer by the day (which I chronicled here). This is a roster hole you can drive a truck through.
Other issues lie in areas such as the team's lack of experience and poor defense. But, basically, with so many young players on the roster, you could hit the lottery or end up back in the lottery.
Off the basketball court, the ownership change may cause some friction in the head office. Both Rod Thorn and Lawrence Frank are in the final years of their respective contracts, and the Russian may seek to replace them. This lame duck status can negatively affect the team, as it did with Byron Scott in the 2003-04 season.
4. What are the goals for this team?
The Nets need to use this season to clearly see what their assets are truly worth. Clearly, Bobby Simmons, Rafer Alston, Tony Battie, Eduardo Najera, and Trenton Hassell will not be back next year. What can Terrence Williams achieve in the league? Is Courtney Lee the starting shooting guard for the team's future? Is Yi Jianlian or Chris Douglas-Roberts worthy of a roster spot? Are Josh Boone and Sean Williams just busts, or major busts? Is there room enough to keep valuable veterans like Keyon Dooling and Jarvis Hayes around?
The way I see it, wins are an added bonus for the team this season. If the Nets go through another season and still don't know the value of their prospects, it will be a failed season.
5. So, how the hell do you get to the games?
Glad you asked! In the past, I've ranted about how the public transportation to the arena sucks. In case you don't have time to read it, here it is in a nutshell: instead of having a bus that takes you directly from New York City to the Meadowlands (as they have in previous years), they have a train that takes you from New York to Secaucus instead - which is actually taking you FURTHER AWAY from the Meadowlands. Then, you have to take a bus from there. That's New fuckin Jersey for you. But have they made any changes this year?
Well, they sure did! They instituted a rail system that takes you from the Secaucus to the Meadowlands. Which, from what I can tell, does nothing to solve the problem that YOU ARE STILL FURTHER FROM THE FUCKING MEADOWLANDS THAN YOU WOULD BE IF YOU JUST TOOK A BUS LIKE THEY USED TO HAVE! Furthermore, this rail system completely and utterly failed during a recent concert they had in U2, with many people (including myself) waiting 2 hours to get back to New York (you can read about this here and here. But, this is all for naught, as they won't be running this train during Nets games anyway. So the current situation sucks, they instituted a new solution, which sucks, and then they aren't going to use it. I'm so glad I moved out of that shitty state so my taxes don't go to utter waste like this. Instead, I now pay for governors to buy prostitutes! I can't wait for the Nets to move to Brooklyn, so people can actually get to the games.
Projected Finish: Loyal readers know I suck at predictions. So, I am not going to put much thought into this. How about...say...24-58? That do anything for you?
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Arcade Fires
"Cause down the shore everything's all right / You and your baby on a Saturday night / You know all my dreams come true / When I'm walking down the street with you." - Tom Waits
Like any true Jersey Boi, my summers are always peppered with weekend trips to the Shore. The Shore is a fascinating place, because it creates a bond between all New Jerseyians regardless of their ethnicity, body type, interests and hobbies, etc. Some people like swimming and the beach, others like the serene atmosphere. Currently, I love going down and being able to drink all day and eat shitty pizza at night. But, as a child, trips to Jersey Shore meant I was just a hot 3-hour car ride away from one thing: ARCADES.
Maybe I'm just a sucker for flashing lights - I do love Las Vegas and Times Square - but arcades hypnotized me as a child. A fistful of quarters meant hours of fun. My favorite time killers were the "beat-em-ups" - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, X-Men, The Simpsons, etc. I also loved games where you would win tickets for prizes (the most famous being Skee-Ball). I pop in a quarter, have fun, and then can exchange tickets for Styrofoam airplanes? Sweet deal.
But, there was a game I absolutely hated: the mechanical basketball hoops thing. What were the point of these things? Arcade games usually appeal to the human id, allowing us to revel in greed (seeing how many tickets we can earn with just one quarter) or violence (many games have plastic guns attached to them). But those mechanical basketball hoops machines? I don't have to go to an arcade to play basketball! Nevertheless, my basketball junkie side sometimes got the best of me, and I would take a turn playing. And, man, it was ALWAYS super shitty. First, you are shooting flat basketballs that have been manhandled by booger-pickers all day long. Second, the rim is usually placed about a foot from the ceiling, mean you have to have NO ARC on your shot. Third, you have a time limit, so there's no time to figure out how to shoot UP at the hoop and make it in as the ball is still moving upwards. And, to top it off, most of the time you did not earn tickets from this game. Fuck that shit.
So what does this have to do with the Nets? Well, in my latest excursion to the Shore a few weeks ago, I saw those dreaded machines. And, sure enough, the Nets now sponsored them...
...and sure enough, their machine was broken. The New Jersey Nets: proud sponsors of a dumb game with a machine that does not even work. If there is a sadder but more appropriate image than that above, please let me know.
Like any true Jersey Boi, my summers are always peppered with weekend trips to the Shore. The Shore is a fascinating place, because it creates a bond between all New Jerseyians regardless of their ethnicity, body type, interests and hobbies, etc. Some people like swimming and the beach, others like the serene atmosphere. Currently, I love going down and being able to drink all day and eat shitty pizza at night. But, as a child, trips to Jersey Shore meant I was just a hot 3-hour car ride away from one thing: ARCADES.
Maybe I'm just a sucker for flashing lights - I do love Las Vegas and Times Square - but arcades hypnotized me as a child. A fistful of quarters meant hours of fun. My favorite time killers were the "beat-em-ups" - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, X-Men, The Simpsons, etc. I also loved games where you would win tickets for prizes (the most famous being Skee-Ball). I pop in a quarter, have fun, and then can exchange tickets for Styrofoam airplanes? Sweet deal.
But, there was a game I absolutely hated: the mechanical basketball hoops thing. What were the point of these things? Arcade games usually appeal to the human id, allowing us to revel in greed (seeing how many tickets we can earn with just one quarter) or violence (many games have plastic guns attached to them). But those mechanical basketball hoops machines? I don't have to go to an arcade to play basketball! Nevertheless, my basketball junkie side sometimes got the best of me, and I would take a turn playing. And, man, it was ALWAYS super shitty. First, you are shooting flat basketballs that have been manhandled by booger-pickers all day long. Second, the rim is usually placed about a foot from the ceiling, mean you have to have NO ARC on your shot. Third, you have a time limit, so there's no time to figure out how to shoot UP at the hoop and make it in as the ball is still moving upwards. And, to top it off, most of the time you did not earn tickets from this game. Fuck that shit.
So what does this have to do with the Nets? Well, in my latest excursion to the Shore a few weeks ago, I saw those dreaded machines. And, sure enough, the Nets now sponsored them...
...and sure enough, their machine was broken. The New Jersey Nets: proud sponsors of a dumb game with a machine that does not even work. If there is a sadder but more appropriate image than that above, please let me know.
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