Eighteen, I Get Confused Everyday

Eighteen. I just don't know what to say.

I've gotta get out of this place. I'll go running in outer space.

Well, I've been in New Orleans the past week, but returned home. Boy, did I miss quite a weekend. I'm going to ditch the "Three Point Land" format, since everybody already knows the scores and the games. But, I will be updating the blog regularly, at least every three games (if not more).

The Nets are now the greatest of all losers. It is quite an accomplishment. As a fan, I know I am powerless. I am not personally involved with the team's performance in any tangible way. So, rationally, I should be able to let this slide and get on with my day. Unfortunately, that's not the case.

Every time something awful happens to another team in sports, I do get a sense of joy. "Schadenfreude" is not quite the correct word, as I am not actively rooting for these events to happen. It was wonderful watching the Mavs lose to the Warriors, and the Detroit Lions go 0-16. Hell, I even found some satisfaction in the Yankees blowing a 3-0 lead against Boston, even though I am a Yankees fan. Why?

Because at least these things did not happen to the Nets.

Now, I cannot say that. The Nets were always able to skirt by the public with a low profile. Last week, I compared their franchise history to the Knicks and Magic. Both teams have had ups and downs, but the last 20 years of each franchise has been pretty unremarkable.

But, yesterday the Nets entered the record book as the first team to start 0-18. And, I have a feeling they will be entering the record book again at the end of the season. They are now in the rankings of the Clippers, Cubs, Pirates, Lions, etc. The feeling is pretty awful.

As a fan, the natural instinct is to find a scapegoat. And really, at 0-18, everyone is guilty in some degree. Management blamed ex-coach Frank, who I will discuss this weekend, after Coach Kiki's first game. The more I read about that whole situation, the more complicated it becomes. Ex-players like Kidd and Martin have blamed Ratner. I hate that guy as well, but aside from the Summer of 2004, he has been pretty hands-off. Sure, the Nets were working with a limited budget, but so are 75% of the other teams in the NBA.

For now, my blame on this goes to Rod Thorn. He has always been savvy with the media - I think his folksy drawl weakens their defenses. I'll admit, he's a hard man to criticize. But, in 2004 and 2007, he acted like a crooked Wall Street CEO, making rash short-term decisions that have finally caught up with him in the long-term. I speak, of course, of Richard Jefferson's and Vince Carter's contract extensions.

In 2004, after losing Kenyon Martin, fans were fuming, and Thorn panicked. He exceedingly overpaid Richard Jefferson to the tune of $78 million over six years. In 2007, in a bidding war with nobody, Thorn extended an aging Vince Carter for $60 million over four years. The latter contract pissed off Kidd, destroying the 2007-08 season and forcing this rebuilding process to occur. These two contracts became albatrosses, and the team had to gut its talent to take them off the books. Basically, the Nets let their second-best player, emotional leader, and starting power forward go to overpay their small forward, and resigned a shooting guard to sell a few tickets instead of their franchise changing point guard.

But, the blame game sucks. I'd rather play Hungry Hungry Hippos.

Anyway, I try to remain annoyingly positive, as this too shall pass. The previous record holder was the 88-89 Miami Heat, and they ended up winning a championship 17 years later. (What? They beat the Nets in the second round that year with dicey calls and a dumb suspension on Cliff Robinson? Fuck. Let me do another example).

The worst team of all-time is the 72-73 Sixers, and they won a championship ten years later. (What? They won because the Nets had to sell them their franchise leader and future Hall of Famer Julius Erving? Um...)

....

Three Point Land - November 14th through November 18th

It's over. Revising my prediction YET AGAIN! I originally predicted 25 wins, then chopped that in half to 12 wins. Now?

Six.

Trust me, I am not overreacting, or trying some lame reverse jinx. Given what has happened this season, and the effort I have seen from the players and coaching staff, I am not convinced there are ANY games the Nets can win this season.

People will say they have tons of injuries, and when they get healthy, they will win. Well, my argument is two-pronged. First, you cannot assume that when the other players get healthy, the current players will ALSO stay healthy. Guys like Rafer Alston, Trenton Hassell, and Eduardo Najera are very old, and should not be logging huge minutes. Case in point: Najera went down as soon as CDR came back. Also, players are not normally at full strength after coming back from injury, so the working them back up to speed will take longer.

But, the more depressing thing is: look who we are counting on to save our season. Yi Jianlian. Courtney Lee. Jarvis Hayes. Devin is fine, but these guys aren't going to make us instant winners again. To paraphrase Rick Pitino: Jason Kidd isn't walking through that door. Richard Jefferson isn't walking through that door. Kenyon Martin isn't walking through that door. They are an awful team now, and will still be very bad even at full strength.

Record Needed To Avoid Being The Worst NBA Team Ever: 10-60 (0.143)

Anyway, onto the recaps, which will, unfortunately, have more venting.

November 14th - At Miami, 80-81 Loss

Yet another game I didn't watch, because I was out eating sushi and drinking sake. However, that did not stop my phone from being inundating with calls and texts from my fellow Nets fans. I am an atheist, but thank Jeebus I didn't watch this game. My friends called this one of the most frustrating losses they ever saw. Clearly, they have short memories, as from what I can tell, the Minnesota loss to open the season was way worse - blowing a huge lead, and losing to a bad team.

November 17th - vs. Indiana, 83-91 Loss

OK, I was very excited about this game. First, I loved the Nets marketing campaign:



Oh man, how could you see that and NOT get pumped. 10 IS ENOUGH! PACK THE IZOD! FUCK YEAH!

Well, I did go to pack the Izod, which was still probably three-quarters empty. And, let me sum this one up: Ten was not enough.

The Pacers started with a 9-0 run, and never looked back. This loss, to me, was more disappointing than the Miami loss. There was no effort, no heart, no glimmer of hope. It was after this game that I revised my prediction and wrote the opening to this article (before even accounting for the inevitable loss at Milwaukee).

And, a special note to Brook Lopez: WAKE UP! Seriously, enough with the 20-footers. Hibbert took you to school in this game with - get this - POST MOVES! A tall guy using his height and strength to play inside? A novel idea, Brook. You might want to look into it.

November 18th - At Milwaukee, 85-99 Loss

Basically, I'm all vented out at this point. I missed this game due to the comedy class, but was able to write the above entries and opening without knowing the outcome of this game. You see, there is no reason to have any confidence they will win. They will be record-settingly bad.

I'm sorry if this entry depressed my loyal readers, but it is the truth. They are the 2008 Lions. I had not fully come to terms with this earlier, but now I have. I've said my piece, and I will move on. Future entries will go back to their normal, funnier tone.

Preseason Hype: YOUR Turn!

"Do you want to take my picture? Because I can't remember." - Filter



Above are the shattered remains of my digital camera screen. I had gone to 3 Bruce Springsteen shows out of 5 in Giants Stadium earlier this month, and by the third show, The Boss had rocked me so hard that he shattered the camera screen. The camera was a free gift I won at work, so do not cry for me. This tragedy has created opportunity!

You see, I have access to FOUR Nets tickets tomorrow at the Prudential Center in Newark. And, I am just giving them away! There are two things you must do, so follow carefully:

1. E-mail me at rory (dot) toohey (at) gmail.

2. Take a lot of pictures when you go to the game. I need you to be my eyes (being my ears, mouth, and nose is optional). I'm pretty sure I know how the game is going to go anyway: Nets play well in the first half, bench their starters, then blow a lead as Bobby Simmons goes 0-23. E-mail me your pictures, and I'll post them on the blog, perhaps with some commentary.

That's all it takes. So, I will open this up to the FIRST two people, and each person will get two tickets each.

So what are you waiting for?

Arcade Fires

"Cause down the shore everything's all right / You and your baby on a Saturday night / You know all my dreams come true / When I'm walking down the street with you." - Tom Waits

Like any true Jersey Boi, my summers are always peppered with weekend trips to the Shore. The Shore is a fascinating place, because it creates a bond between all New Jerseyians regardless of their ethnicity, body type, interests and hobbies, etc. Some people like swimming and the beach, others like the serene atmosphere. Currently, I love going down and being able to drink all day and eat shitty pizza at night. But, as a child, trips to Jersey Shore meant I was just a hot 3-hour car ride away from one thing: ARCADES.

Maybe I'm just a sucker for flashing lights - I do love Las Vegas and Times Square - but arcades hypnotized me as a child. A fistful of quarters meant hours of fun. My favorite time killers were the "beat-em-ups" - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, X-Men, The Simpsons, etc. I also loved games where you would win tickets for prizes (the most famous being Skee-Ball). I pop in a quarter, have fun, and then can exchange tickets for Styrofoam airplanes? Sweet deal.

But, there was a game I absolutely hated: the mechanical basketball hoops thing. What were the point of these things? Arcade games usually appeal to the human id, allowing us to revel in greed (seeing how many tickets we can earn with just one quarter) or violence (many games have plastic guns attached to them). But those mechanical basketball hoops machines? I don't have to go to an arcade to play basketball! Nevertheless, my basketball junkie side sometimes got the best of me, and I would take a turn playing. And, man, it was ALWAYS super shitty. First, you are shooting flat basketballs that have been manhandled by booger-pickers all day long. Second, the rim is usually placed about a foot from the ceiling, mean you have to have NO ARC on your shot. Third, you have a time limit, so there's no time to figure out how to shoot UP at the hoop and make it in as the ball is still moving upwards. And, to top it off, most of the time you did not earn tickets from this game. Fuck that shit.

So what does this have to do with the Nets? Well, in my latest excursion to the Shore a few weeks ago, I saw those dreaded machines. And, sure enough, the Nets now sponsored them...



...and sure enough, their machine was broken. The New Jersey Nets: proud sponsors of a dumb game with a machine that does not even work. If there is a sadder but more appropriate image than that above, please let me know.

Nets to NY Commuters: Drop Dead.

"But I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more, just to be the man who walked 1000 miles to fall down at your door." - The Proclaimers

Yes, I'm starting with The Proclaimers. Because, if you are trying to get from New York City to the Meadowlands, it feels like a journey of 1000 miles. But, while those twins were probably walking for some sweet, pale, freckle-faced Scottish poonani, you are going to see a franchise with a historical winning percentage around .400 with bleak-to-mild future prospects.

You see, I live in New York City, and it's the only city I want to live in. From the odd smells, to the flagrant displays of homosexuality, to the joy of being completely broke - New York has it all. But, being a Nets fan in the Big Apple has its draw backs.

First, your team name rhymes with two other equally shitty franchises - the Jets and the Mets. So, you will find yourself making specific distinctions. "Fuck no, not the Mets. The NETS. They play basketball. In New Jersey. I am NOT a crackpot!"

Then, there's the whole "watching the game in the bar" scene. It is never on, and you will have to grab a bartenders attention. The ordeal rarely ends there, as apparently a bar with 45 flat screen televisions can only show two different channels at once. So if the Rangers and Knicks are on, you are shit out of luck.

But, now, on top of this, the Nets and NJ Transit have gone and fucked up the ways to get to the Izod Center from New York. Before, they would just pack up buses from Port Authority and send them to the Meadowlands one after another on game day. In fact, they STILL do this for Giants/Jets games. Take a look:


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Four point one miles. Estimated 11 minute trip. Granted, with rush hour traffic, it might take 20-25 minutes. But still, if you left at 7, you could comfortably arrive at a 7:30 game. After the game, you would fly back to New York without traffic in around 15 minutes.

But this season, all this changed. Now, instead of Port Authority, you have to go to Penn Station. OK, it is 8 blocks away, no big deal. But does Penn Station take you to the Izod Center? It's the Nets, so of course not! It takes you to my least favorite junction: SECAUCUS. JUNCTION.



This ride takes around "10 minutes" by itself. However, as I have frequently found, there are multiple delays. I would safely estimate that you should allow 20 minutes for this ride as well. So, for those of you doing the math - we are now at the same exact amount of time that it would have taken if they still provided the bus option. Here's the kicker - did you get any closer to the arena? Let's take a look at the map:


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SHIT NO! You are now SIX POINT FUCKING SEVEN miles from the stadium. You went BACKWARDS by 2.6 miles! So it is now ANOTHER 20 minutes to the stadium. Double the time, half the fun.

Now, to safely get to a 7:30 game on time, you probably have to depart New York around 6:30. And getting home is no fun either, as there are less trains from Secaucus Junction back into the city at night. You'll probably end up back to New York around 11:00. So, what used to be a roughly 3:15 endeavor (7:00 - 10:15) is now clocking in at 4:30 hours. And that's if you live in a convenient neighborhood - subways will be running less frequently at later hours. God forbid the game goes into overtime.

The reason I'm pissed about this is because of one underlying reason: IT. MAKES. NO. GEE-DARN. SENSE. I have used the Port Authority system for years before. It worked fine. The buses were never empty - there were always long lines to get to the arena on game-day, even through the second quarter. It was not broken, so they decided to smash it?

But even more importantly is that this team wants a New York City fanbase! They will be moving to Brooklyn in 2009 2010 2011, and needs as large of a fanbase as possible. They should not only be slurping the New York fanbase, but tickling their balls, too.

It is an utter pain in the ass that makes zero sense for all parties involved. The Nets fans are not happy with the extra commute. The Nets need to get as many fans to that half-empty stadium as fast as possible (which helps concessions sales as well, too). And the Secaucus Junction commuters can't be happy with the extra crowds clogging the stations as well. I've been to a few season ticket holder Q&A sessions, and I am not the only one who is bitching about this. It severely deters from the entertainment value of the game, and is making me reconsider the amount of games I will go to in the future.